She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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