I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
tell me about the eggs
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
