I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
