Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
