do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
