you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
