This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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