i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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