I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
