So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize