She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
