if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
