thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
