I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i've created a new STD.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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