I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.