she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
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So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
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Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house