So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.