I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.