i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
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Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear