My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.