I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.