What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
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Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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