after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
