I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just high enough for therapy.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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