It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
