Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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