Got a toothbrush?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
