It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
