were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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