I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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