I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
