apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it