thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
