I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
