she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
