it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
