She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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