i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
