I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
