with your own penis?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Success! We fucked roommates!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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