She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
