I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
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she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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