Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
