T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
