i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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