how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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