His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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