Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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