My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My feet surprised me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
