I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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