I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
