He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
