apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
