Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
