I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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