you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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