i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
