If i come over, it means nothing
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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