the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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