Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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