I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
