She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
