Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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