remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
