I hope mine doesn't look like that
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
