she woke up with a sticky ear
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
