my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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