considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
