Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
