Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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