I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
