So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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