Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
