We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
