either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
