I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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