This is not my ceiling
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
