There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
